Convincing Mom to Let You Stay Home From School

Everyone has those days where mentally you just cannot handle to idea of another day of monotonous school work. The thought of having to sit through another 50 minute Spanish class where, on a good day, you can maybe interpret a quarter of what your teacher says, and the little voice reminding you about that science test you still haven't started studying for is unbearable. These are times when procuring an illness sounds pretty good. Ideas start to formulate of how you're going to convince mom that you really are sick and desperately need to stay home the next day. Now if you are part of the lucky population of people how have mothers who would never question a word of her precious child, then a simple, "Mom I'm not feeling so well. I think I need to stay home tomorrow," along with a sad face and weak physical appearance, obtained by hunching the shoulders, is all you need. But there are those of us, like my self, who do not have moms who give in so easily, and we must take extreme steps into achieving our goal. My mom is a nurse, so naturally she knows when someone is faking sick or not. Over the years though I have perfected a technique for convincing even the most unsympathetic parent of a fake illness.

My technique is more along the lines of a process though. It is not something that can be accomplished in an hour and even a couple of hours. It takes careful planning from the early night before the intended day of absence and the morning of. The key to my process is to not be the first one to say that you are ill. You must play the part until your parent questions how you are feeling. This does not require much skill to accomplish, but persistence. Right around the time before dinner you must start acting more sluggish than your normal self. Lay on the couch in a ball and just watch TV if you usually are up and about doing homework and other odd jobs. If you are already in the sluggish habit of lying on the couch and watching TV you are going to have to take it to the next step, which is much less enjoyable. You now need to lay on the couch crouched in a ball with NO TV. The scene of you not even being able to get off the couch to turn the TV on shows true signs of the ultimate laziness, and because this is not normal behavior can arise questions. If you are severely desperate if you occasionally let out a deep breath or moan, it can only add to the affect. Do not be too obvious though by making it seem you are intentionally trying to draw attention to yourself because this will destroy all questionable thoughts of illness into ideas that you are just in need of a little attention.

When dinner time approaches, slowly make your way to the table making sure to drag your feet more than normal and have a look of miserable sadness on your face. This entrance will make the assertion that there is in deed something wrong. Now here is another sacrifice you are going to have to make, which may be harder for others. Take smaller helpings than usual to make it apparent that your appetite is not normal, a symptom of many illnesses. In addition to your small helpings, eat very slowly and kind of pick at your food, moving it around a lot to make it look like you are disinterested in the thought of eating. Don't forget to keep a solemn sad face on throughout the meal. Instead of rushing away from the table, hover around as long as possible. Don't get up until the last person. By doing this you are showing just how un energetic you are feeling.

You would think that the next step would just to go to bed now, right? No! You still have not gotten the desired reaction from your parent. They have still not asked you if you are feeling all right. You must now go upstairs and get ready for bed. Make sure to put on your comfiest pair of pajamas and slippers. Take a blanket with you downstairs and lay on the couch cuddled up in your blanket making sure that your face is still visible with that look of misery still holding strong. You want to make sure that you are visible to your parent so that they can observe your actions. The best thing is to be in their view while they are doing the dishes. They don't have a lot on their mind, and with you there with your abnormal behavior you will consume their thoughts and worry. Continue to make the occasional moans and deep breaths, but otherwise remain motionless. The less amount of energy you seem to have the better.

By this time I can sometime get the desired reaction I want, and my mom will usually call over from the sink if I'm feeling alright. This is not the moment when you want to jump right out and say that yeah Mom I'm feeling really sick, I don't think I can go to school tomorrow. This answer is to energized. You need to sound uninterested and somewhat confused with the question. Either give a big moan or simply reply, "I don't know, not really." This usually gets the reaction of, "Well why don't you go up to bed and get some rest." Do not reply to this though. Just simply give a positive moan to signal that you have heard her, lay on the couch for a few more minutes, and then slowly make your way up to bed, making sure to make your trip up the stair a difficult task with your lack of energy.

At this point you have made it about three quarters of the way. Your mom has made her own evaluation of the situation without any verbal interjections by you which make her thoughts more concrete in her mind. Now you just need to lay in bed and sleep. Before your mom goes to bed she may come in and check on you to see if you are all right. Be warned though that she may come armed with a thermometer. Don't be too worried though, because she came to the conclusion you we're feeling well by herself the whole temperature thing won't have to heavy a weigh. When she discovers that you do not have a fever DO NOT try to come up with an excuse why. Pretend like you are clueless to the situation give out another moan and just lay down. The less you speak the better. You are now free to sleep soundly.

The next morning when your mom comes to wake you up it the final obstacle to overcome. Instead of waking up promptly lay in bed without movement for the first thirty seconds or so. Then make it apparent that you are awake. Your mom will now most likely ask you how you are feeling. Again in this situation the less you say the better. Give a rough, quiet moan and stick your head under the covers, making sure to show a minimal level of energy again. She may tell you to get up and get in the shower and then see how you feel. If this is the case stay in bed until she leaves, then as soon as she's gone fall back to sleep. When she comes in twenty minutes later she will be even more worried about your condition, and by showing her un energetic reactions and responses you will convince her that you really are not in the condition to go to school. This is when you will want to congratulate yourself on a job well done, but be cautious. Do not show any sign of joy until she is at least ten feet from your room. Any sign of relief of joy may foil your whole plan.