How to Procrastinate

Procrastination is something that we're all familiar with. You watch T.V. for an hour before you write a paper, you get in a few more rounds before reaching for that physics textbook, and you sleep away your Saturday mornings and wait until Sunday night to do your homework. While you may think your years of schooling have given you sufficient and proper training to perform this highly refined task, I am here to rectify your mistakes and put you on the path to true enlightening. Adhering to true procrastinator creed, I will teach you the fundamentals and more in this short, concise blog entry. But if you were a true practitioner of the faith, you would have long navigated away from this page and played mindless online games until you had gotten hungry or had fallen asleep at your desk.

To truly realize your potential in this world you have to give up a great many things and while that may scare you at first, let me tell you that you will feel terrific very soon afterwards. Everyone loves instant gratification. The first obstacle in your path is responsibility. Driven into our minds since we could understand human reasoning, responsibility is the small voice in the back of your head making you think twice about not doing homework or family chores. You must learn to ignore that voice and take the time you would normally spend doing menial tasks and use it to do what you want to do. Suddenly your WoW characters will hit the level cap a lot faster and your Facebook/Myspace/Xanga page will dazzle visitors with even more misspelled words, epilepsy inducing graphics, and photos of you that even an internet stalker would shy away from saving. Why should you care what happens as long as you're happy, right?

After you've settled into a comfortable pattern of eating, sleeping, and schooling (sleeping) you can begin to really change your life. Drop those silly A.P. courses, don't bother with athletics, and stop communicating with your "friends". You don't need people to be happy and, as a matter of fact, they will only impede your journey to Nirvana; begging and pleading with you to change back into the person you once were. After that stage you can finally begin experiencing life; procrastinating was only the stepping stone to the other fundamentals skills. Soon you'll find yourself slacking off, getting suspended/fired/high, and even failing at life and that is what it's all about.