How to Cook for Your Enemies

It doesnt take much culinary mastery to become a successful cook, nor does it take much to cook for your worst enemy in hopes of dispensing his presence once and for all. There simply will be many times when someone makes fun of you, or simply bothers you with their existence in the world, this is where my "How to Cook for Your Enemies" cookbook will come in handy. Whether you want to ruin his meal by cooking up a "special" recipe, or want to burn a hole in his stomach, listen to what I Chef Justin have to tell you based on my numerous experiences of sinister cooking.

First of all, invite that "special" person to either a breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I prefer to invite them to dinner as the night gives off an eerie feeling, and also gives you the cover of the night to dispose of his body. Act pleasant, as if you dont hate him at all. If you dont get over this first step, your whole plan is ruined. Act casual, as if you have no problem being in his repugnant presence.
Second, its a little time for grocery shopping. Decide what you want to cook up for his "last supper" in the case that you want to destroy him, or just choose the most disgusting food on the list to ruin his dinner, and possibly his outlook on food for the rest of his life. When I just want to ruin his dinner, I like to buy a little bit of fish heads and cow eyes for the main course, and mabye even throw in some intestines as a side dish. If i want to do a little more damage, I like to add: a pinch of feces, a drop of blood, shreds of animal skin, definitely some poison (preferably the Heinz brand) and the classical length of plucked hair.
Finally, prepare the food. Take your main course item, whether it be fish heads or cow eyes and soak it in the poison. Let it sit for about 10-15 minutes so it really seeps into the meat. While waiting, you can prepare the intestines. I like to make sure they have some feces, dry blood, shreds of skin, and a little bit of poison in there as well. Finally, when all is done here, finish up your masterpiece with the hairs. Really spread them around, and make sure that they are in clear view. Its your choice whether you want to grill, boil, or leave the course raw. Its your enemy, he deserves it right?

Bon Appetite.