How to Assume the Role of a Loser When You Were 99.9% Sure You Would Have Been the Winner

We've all experienced it: losing a game, contest, race, etc. to a rival opponent when you were so sure you'd win. Too bad life can't always make you a winner, so you must take necessary precautions to take the unexpected role of the loser when life throws you a curve ball.
First, after you've finish you're competition, or immediately after you find out you've lost, suck up that pride and pat the back of your rival opponent and congratulate him for a job well done. Remember to continue sucking your pride in. One leak can lead to disastrous results. However, if a leak happens, be prepared by purchasing another book in our series entitled, "How to Assume the Role of a HUGE Loser When You Screw Up." After you have successfully completed the action of congratulating your rival, look to see no one is watching and immediately wipe your hands off with a napkin. Dispose the napkin in a nearby wastebasket. You do NOT want your opponent's germs on yourself so make sure to wipe thoroughly.
Later on in the day, when friends and family members ask how you have done, respond with, "I had him, but I was so out of it. I started falling asleep, but I would have beat him if I hadn't been so tired." Or a more popular one, "He cheated. The referee didn't call any of his penalties!" Expressing your anger in this way places the blame on someone else. Although YOU are the loser, you can create sympathy around you by choosing your words wisely. Do not make the mistake of saying your opponent was better than you. Otherwise, you will appear weak and more of a loser before the competition.
Finally, call your opponent up again and challenge him to another competition. Make sure he agrees. Immediately after the agreement, rigorously train for the big day. This time, make sure you beat him. If you do not beat him the second time, reread this book to make sure you are doing each step precisely and accurately.
But in the long run, make sure you go into a competition only 99% sure you'll be the winner. The extra .9% jinxes your chances of ever becoming a champion and makes you look too self-confident.