Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Battle of the Boat

My boat sails smoothly across the surface of the ocean. The sun beats down on the ocean and the boat, warming everything it touches. The wind propels the boat, softly, subtly, and smoothly. A few hours pass by, and then suddenly a burst of wind pushes my boat to the side; as if in a pit of frustration. The gust of wind is short, but fierce. The boat continues to sail smoothly, regaining its focus. The boat seems to concentrate on the task at hand: simply just trying to sail, but then, abruptly, something happens. The wind picks up, the sky darkens. The waves climb higher. White caps begin to form, and it soon becomes extremely difficult for the boat to travel across the surface of the ocean as it once did so easily before. The boat, struggling, rocks violently over the waves, going up and down and up and down, desperately fighting to win this battle. The boat travels fast to the west, the opposite way it was once traveling. However, the boat’s persistence is consistent. The sails stay strong on the boat, the strongly built hull withstanding everything the waves thrash against it. Eventually, after a long and unforeseen struggle, the boat prevails. It stands proud.

Sometimes unexpected things happen, and there is nothing you can do about it but just learn to overcome it. Life will throw whatever it can at you, and one must always be prepared. Sometimes, just when you think life is going smoothly, a sudden twist will catch you by surprise and throw you a little off balance. However, all you need to do is stay strong, focus on your morals and your goals, and you will overcome them. Sometimes you’ll be headed down a path, but then a person will interfere and cause you to go the complete opposite direction, or a situation will leave you turned around. You might find yourself in a never-ending up and down battle. However, no matter how fierce the wind may be, no matter how large the waves may seem, you too can prevail.



1.) Which part of the piece did you like the best? Were you able to relate?

2.) Where does my piece need improvement?




Revision:

If I were to revise this piece of writing, I would change a few things. First, I could change the second paragraph or completely take it out. When I wrote the second paragraph, I assumed that the readers would not connect what I was relating the boat to, which is why I included it. However, it may seem like I am the analyzing my own metaphor, so it could be taken out. Also, I would add in a few more examples describing other situations with the boat that might help convey my metaphor of life being like a boat. Finally, I could break the piece up into separate paragraphs so that it might be easier for the readers to completely visualize what is happening in the metaphor.

4 comments:

colleen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer Lee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer Lee said...

1) I really enjoyed the beginning half in which you talked about a boat. I can definitely relate to the part when you describe how that boat is traveling in the opposite direction.

2)Your extended metaphor seems like two different pieces. The first half is the metaphor and the second half is an analysis. I don't think you'll need the analysis if you make your metaphor strong. It's up to your audience to analyze what you just wrote.

Questions:
1) How are you able to relate to this boat in a way other than the violent storms?
2) How could violent storms be interpreted in a different way?

Lauren Pusateri said...

1) The 'pit of frustration' was a neat frase. Yes, i think everyone could relate to something like this.
2) This is just an idea, but maybe you could spit it up into paragraphs. It was really well writen in my opinon.

-Why did you choose to write about mostly struggles?
-Why did you choose to add the word'you' in your final sentence?