Our brain is a computer.
Thinking, reasoning, calculating numbers and words,
Giving us answers to life's problems,
"Just use your head," now means
"Just Google it."
The workings of both machines in our life are a mystery to most.
This is except, of course,
To the tech-whizzes and neurologists.
However the only thing the great computer inside our head cannot do,
Is print.
How can I add more lines to the metaphor? What are ideas for lines I can add?
Which part of the metaphor needs the most revision?
5 comments:
1. You could expand on the ways that our brains our like computers in more detail.
2. The part where you add in tech-whizes and neurologists could use a little bit more development.
?1Is it a good thing or a bad thing that our heads can't print?
?2What advantages do tech-whizzes and neurologist have with their understanding over people who dont have this understanding?
1. You could give more specific comparisons with brains and computers. Like "our brains can be programed to think in a certain frame, just like our metal counterparts."
2. I would say the ending needs the most revision, it comes across as somewhat watered down.
1. What is the meaning of "our brains can't print?"
2. Why can't normal people understand brains?
1. Add more lines, I don't think it's necessary. If you added more computer lingo or grand questions of life, I think it'd take away from the poem.
2. The printing part I think. Needs to be elaborated on a bit more (unless you meant to have it more up to interpretation).
1. Why did you choose computers? Last time I checked, you were paranoid of the internet. :P
2. What makes techies or neurologists better at life than everyone else?
If I were to revise my poem I think I would pick one aspect of the metaphor and elaborate more so on that...this is so I can stay away from including too many vague or general references. Contrary to what Alex suggested, I may also add a few more lines to give the poem more substance, because I think it feels sparse. I also agree with Megan where she said I needed improvement--that part seems a bit underdeveloped and unimportant right now.
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