Extended Metaphor: Life
Life is a small, transient pond.
When trying to examine the life of someone else, all you can see is the very surface,
But under that there is a huge depth and variety.
The surface of the pond is never perfect,
Forever marred by ripples, waves, and the troubles of everyday life.
But underneath that life is tranquil and pleasant.
The rain disturbs the pond, sometimes severely.
But with it the pond grows deeper and more complex,
More serious disturbances make life that much more filling and meaningful.
When no rain comes to replenish life,
The pond dries up, withers away, and dies.
We need events to happen for life to retain meaning.
The pond of life is never empty.
Fish are thoughts and feeling bubbling inside of us,
They rise to the conscious level and cause ripples in our lives, as thoughts trigger actions.
The winds of events create waves on the surface,
But rarely reach the murky bottom that contains our deepest secrets and desires.
But one huge storm can always cause everything to be thrown around and rearranged.
Life is a small, transient pond.
When trying to examine the life of someone else, all you can see is the very surface,
But under that there is a huge depth and variety.
The surface of the pond is never perfect,
Forever marred by ripples, waves, and the troubles of everyday life.
But underneath that life is tranquil and pleasant.
The rain disturbs the pond, sometimes severely.
But with it the pond grows deeper and more complex,
More serious disturbances make life that much more filling and meaningful.
When no rain comes to replenish life,
The pond dries up, withers away, and dies.
We need events to happen for life to retain meaning.
The pond of life is never empty.
Fish are thoughts and feeling bubbling inside of us,
They rise to the conscious level and cause ripples in our lives, as thoughts trigger actions.
The winds of events create waves on the surface,
But rarely reach the murky bottom that contains our deepest secrets and desires.
But one huge storm can always cause everything to be thrown around and rearranged.
1. What are some possible comparisons between a pond and life that I did not include?
2. How could I have improved my transitions?
3 comments:
1. I think you covered basically everything. It's really deep and has a great comparison and meaning.
2. Between the first paragraph and second paragraph, if you added a transition sentence or at least a phrase, it would better help the flow between the traniquility of the pond and the disturbances.
If I could revise this piece, I would add some other comparisons and revise the last paragraph to make it more final. I would change the word "it" in the second line of the second paragraph to "experience", and perhaps rearrange the papagraphs to make the poem flow better. I would also more clearly clarify the distinction between the surface of one's life, which everyone sees, and the deeper, more secret parts.
Good reflections, Robert. I'm sorry the rest of your group didn't provide you with feedback.
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