People watching.
A glorious sport.
I sit on a bench
and recognize,
people are sushi.
The unique innards characterize each individual,
chosen so carefully and precisely,
yet all by another's hands.
The condiments complement well,
but are they really your own?
You get grouped
with others like you.
Others more beautifully wrapped,
and others more distorted.
Some roll out skimpy,
some roll out plump.
The delectable treats wrapped in seaweed.
Some skillful in the art of keeping it together,
while others fall apart.
Hands dictate what the product will be,
yet ultimately, hands, will be the ones that cause destruction.
Chomp chomp chomp.
Questions:
1) How can I make my introduction more effective?
2) What other examples about sushi could I include into my poem?
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3 comments:
1) What sport? I was confused about that, but besides that, it was goood.
2) I'm going to be honest...i know nothig about sushi
-What made you pick sushi?
-Do you really agree with this metaphor, or was it just a random thought?...(like mine)
1.) I think you could explain more about what sparked your thought of how watching the sport relates to people being like sushi.
2.)Also, like Lauren, I don't know much about sushi, I've never had it.
Questions:
1.) How would you in particular relate yourself to sushi?
2.) What do the hands symbolize?
If I could revise my poem, I would try to include more details into it. Although I like how my poem's concise, I think it wouldn't hurt to include extra examples that fit appropriately or effectively. In another way, by adding extra examples, I want to make a long poem with short lines. This way, my poem would look like a roll of sushi. Despite its unimportance, I think it'd be very pleasing to the viewers' eyes. I would also find a way to fix my introduction because even though I intended "people watching" to be a sport, my audience appeared to grow slightly confused at what I was trying to convey. Moreover, I don't know if "people watching" is a good introduction to an extended metaphor about sushi. To change this, I'd either omit those lines, or extend on how it fits into my topic.
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