Tuesday, November 13, 2007

new thesis

Willy creates unrealistic expectations in his family life by transfering his obsession with respect from success in his salemanship that cause the stresses and mental torment that ulitmately drive him to suicide.

1 comment:

Mrs. Gerber said...


The idea works, and the first part, "Willy creates unrealistic expectations in his family life" sounds good. The second part starts to lose me, though. Can you be more concise?

From what we discussed, I think you're trying to argue that Willy's unrealistic expectations --and you can define these or state specific examples -- lead to his suicide. Yes? To prove that thesis, you’d probably create a causal chain, perhaps showing how Willy's expectations lead to the delusions, which subsequently lead to the suicide. If that’s where you’re trying to go, just reword so you get your reader there quickly.