Thursday, November 29, 2007

Extended Metaphor

The wind is my faith.
It is strong and powerful,
Something I can’t see, but I can feel.
A breeze brushes past my skin,
Giving a cool breath that refreshes me momentarily from the hot sun.
It circles around me and then points in its own direction.
It is much easier to walk with it, rather than try to go against it.
The wind surrounds me, even at night,
When I am all alone and in total darkness.
I still feel it. I can close my eyes and know that the wind is still there.
Unfortunately, there are times when trees don’t sway back and forth.
Wind can stop and disappear, except it never dissapoints
Because, as always, it will return once again
To point in a certain direction, so I can join the wind and walk with it.

How well does my poem flow?

Are there any changes I could make? What are they?


robert kramer said...

1. It flows well, though the transition between saying "rather than trying to go against it" and "the wind surraounds me" is somewhat abrupt.

2. You could have added some other ideas, such as saying what else the wind affects other than you, and there could be some more gradual connections between the ideas.

Colleen V. said...

1. I thought it flowed very well - the metaphor of the wind as your faith was easy to follow and gave a tangible identity to your faith, one that appealed to my sense of touch.

2. You could have lengthened your poem, because your metaphor left room for many new images and descriptions.

Colleen V. said...

What faith are you?

Is the "hot sun" a reference to the Devil or the evils of our world?

robert kramer said...

1. Is the wind ever overwhelming or is faith always pleasant?

2. "It is much easier to walk with it." Are there times where going against your faith would be the "easy road"?

gina lee said...

1. Your poem flows very nicely. Everything leads from one thing to another.

2. If you could make changes, I would suggest that you hint more at your extended metaphor.. I'm sort of confused.. but it's really pretty. Hahahaha..

Michelle Krc said...

If i were to make any changes, I would go into more depth on my poem, maybe expand on the hardships of my faith. I should also add more transitions between some of the things I say to make it flow better.