I am a pie.
Unfamiliar with the filling, hidden beneath my thick brown crust, when you first see me I may not seem too favorable. But once you break through my thick outer crust and dig into my luscious filling, I am dense and warm inside. I let my heat run through your body. I may seem shy at first, but once you get to know me I am outgoing and talkative. Making people laugh and filling their hearts with joy, people become addicted to my sweetness, longing for more.
I come in a variety of flavors. Some are appealing while others are not. My most enjoyed flavor is apple, sugary and sweet, spiced with a tint of cinnamon and nutmeg. Most often I am sweet and gentle. I care for others, even if I don’t know them very well. My sweetness brings people happiness. My most despised flavor, rhubarb, brings people a quick taste of tartness, causing my victims’ faces to make a bitter expression, while pushing the plate away from them. My anger and yelling causes people to back away from me in disgust. My bulging eyes and bright red face scares them off, not wanting to take another bite. Depending on the individual, a person may or may not like one of my many flavors, but I have them all.
I am a pie. Flavored in the inside and sheltered on the outside. You must break through my crust to really get to know me. In most cases, you will find me addicting and pleasure to have in front of you, but there comes those days where the chef forgets to add the sugar and I become a bitter pie, lonely and raged.
I am a pie.
What did you find most interesting?
What can I do to improve my extended metaphor?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
1. I like the part where you talk about your different flavors. Creative!
2. I like how you ended the metaphor, but the 1st and last paragraph are about the same thing. Maybe check the organization.
3. How did you decide to come up with comparing yourself to a pie?
4. Why did you decide to repeat the "I am a pie" line?
1. i liked how you mentioned that people wont like you the first time that they see you.
2.You repeted a couple things in your metaphor. Just fix those up.
3. Reena i have on like dieing question to ask you. You could compare your self to a cake or like chocolate milk... why did you compare your self to a pie?
4. youre always so sweet i have yet to see you as a bitter pie when have you ben a bitter pie?
If I could revise this I would reorganize my piece, makin git flow better. I repeated the similar ideas at the ended, to wrap up the whole piece, but as the audience saw it, it was too repetitive. I need to change it up, concluding, but it a more creative and less repetivie way. I wasn't sure of the limit, bu tI think I could add more detail and examples of the main comparison to make the piece more effective and appealing.
Post a Comment